f Here Comes Miss-IZ Haiiiiiiiry Legs <$BlogRSDURL$>

Sunday, September 26, 2004

The CHASER DEC1DES - ABC TV 9pm Thursdays

The clips on the ABC site speak louder on the quality of Thursday night's first episode than I can.

Some stand out segments:

Chas posing as a Liberal Party stooge and calling up various talk-back hosts. John Laws and his dulcet tones have my grudging respect; Alan Jones? Not so much!

Craig's canvassing of the ladies in Ross Cameron's seat of Parramatta -

Craig: Excuse me, have you been thinking about Ross Cameron? Because he's been thinking about YOU.

Julian fronting up at the US embassy with some ballots for Mamdou Habib and David Hicks.

Peter Garret's Values Closing Down sale.

Latham versus the Cabbie with a clip from the 2001 Election Chaser where Latham hits Craig in the face with a baseball bat (inflatable) -

Craig: Mate, I'm a CITIZEN.
Mark: Fuckin' idiot.

Some items on the newsbar:

...Cheryl Kernot & Gareth Evans having sex still repulsive...Beazley regrets not having chance to lose third election...Liberals guarantee rising petrol prices won't effect nursing home baths...Jodee Rich advised his application for "the Apprentice" has been unsuccessful...Mark latham repeats lame slogan 30, 40, 50 times...Bush opposes gays: kinky sodomy only appropriate at Abu Ghraib...

The series was off to a pretty strong start I thought with a lot of good gags in a short space of time, the momentum of the sketches consistent through out the episode and a pretty good of standard editing given that it must have been done at the last possible moment.

I suppose there’s always the worry that because their jokes are so topical they may not date very well (James hardie? Tim Howard?) like some situational comedy, but theirs' is good quality satire and I think in five or ten years time the jokes may be a little obscure though they’ll still be effective. At least to smart people.

One of the strongest features of the Chaser shows is that they guys have excellent timing and ad-libbing skills. They’re involved in a lot of sketches where they accost various political figures: it’s very unpredictable and they only have one chance to get it right which they do consistently. It must be getting even harder now as they become increasingly recognised by their targets but they've not misstepped yet I don't think - one of the segments from Thursday had Craig going head to head with that loon Bill Heffernan. He handled it well by staying unflustered and still managed to get the gag in. So yeah, well done.

Oh and Batman, what a spunk!


Saturday, September 25, 2004

Fear not, Hairy lives!

Be assured that the lack of updates is not due to my battered carcus lying in a ditch somewhere but to excessive hours of cunty work. And I keep having dreams where I'm dragging my luggage down the stairs to the airport but it seems so light. Indeed it is empty because I've forgotten to pack and as it turns out I've also forgotten to finish work for the Blah Blah matter and to hand in my damn trade marks paper and that my CLE presentation is on in five minutes!! HOLD ME.

Unabashed sentimentality imminent...

On the subject of work, our firm is merging with another one to become bigger, cuntier bad-asses. Well only half the firm as it turns out. The other half are off elsewhere so that these past weeks have been full of sad goodbyes. We're not a small firm but we're small enough so that everyone knows your name and vice versa. This is my first ever job that doesn't involve a cash register or donut making and I've been incredibly spoilt by working with so many supportive, funny, eccentric, clever and unpretentious people: from the partners and senior associates (who've always looked out for me, given me great advice and supervision and who actually listen to what I what I want out of my job (and when I was single would try to set me up with various...actuaries - thanks!)) to my patient, long-suffering, Lindsay Lohan-loving secretaries (who put up with my illegible hand writing, endless dictation and tardy timesheets) to the kitchen staff (for the rice pudding we get for morning tea and the big triple fudge cookies they leave behind for when I'm working late) to the mailroom staff (for putting up with my last minute mail and mountains of URGENT! photocopying). Cause yeah, it's all about ME.

It's trite because it's true but a firm is only as good as the people who work there. You can always fill a vacant position but when a person (let alone 50) leaves the whole dynamic of the place changes; you can never replace it. Excuse me, I have something in my eye.

On the upside, because we'll have a new name and identity the current firm's marketing crap is up for grabs - it's raining be-logoed umbrellas, post-its, post-it note clip-on stands, T-shirt and singlets (strictly bed and gym wear), pens, mugs, mouse pads and golf balls. Hurray.


Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Some guy left a card in my mail box today all I've-been-watching-you-in-the-mornings-on-your-way-to-work-and-like-the-look-of-you-would-you-like-to-get-to-know-me etc. I suppose I should be somewhat touched that he used what looks like his best hand writing and spent $3.25 on a nice Ink Group card. He also makes a point of saying "I'm not a stalker", so I guess there's NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

On the other hand, I've read The Collector! I know these things don't end well! Eep.


Monday, September 13, 2004

Because I have too much time on my hands...

Have you been looking for love in all the wrong places - like the internet? No doubt you've had to fill out personality profiles with questions such as:

Which celebrity do you most resemble?

This site was designed to answer that very question.

For me that would be Tripitaka which was my nickname in primary school, however Analogia has other ideas because apparently I'm a combination of Catherine Bell, Liv Tyler and uhh...Cher.* Yes, okay I have a big chin. Shut up. The secret is to do it over and over until you stop getting a match with say um, Tori Spelling. But of course, you might just end up as Cher.

*Accuracy not guranteed. Or even close.


Sunday, September 05, 2004

Okay, some of the Idol contestants really sucked tonight. In fact, their collective sucking could have retrieved matter from a black hole. (Oh yeah, boom! boom!). I just cannot believe their song choices given that the voting audience probably has an average age of 14: Hopelessly Devoted to You? You Were There? (Hello? SOUTHERN SONS?!), A Touch of Paradise? I mean sure, those are great choices - if you want to raise the roof at a state run nursing home.

I 'dated' a barman a while ago who told me that for New Year’s Basement Jaxx was coming to Home. My response: Oh Cool!...Is that a new drink? So I readily admit that I’m no music afficionado, but the entire point of the Idol franchise is to make fast money through pop music, yeah? And it might just be me but the best examples of this type of music are songs that you can dance/gym/wake up to or gee you up before a night out and the above examples just aren’t gonna cut it.

I can understand that these otherwise (fairly) talented contestants might feel like cheap two-bit whores up there; performing on a reality show because it’s probably the only way they’ll get anywhere and want to establish some sort of credibility by choosing “serious” (boring, spiritless) songs and wearing fucking suits. But they need to cut it out because it's a bit shit and frustrating and a waste. In fact, it's tearing me up inside.

However, props must go to Chanel for looking beautiful and fresh, being charming and singing well; also to Dan O’Connor and that chick who cries (Amelia?) for not doing some Wendy Matthews ballad.

Memo to Hayley: I really like your voice so please stop channelling Tatiana Grigorieva/Village of the Damned; go darker – get highlights if you have to but step away from the bleach. Repeat, step away from the bleach. And use some damn conditioner, gawd, because you look like you're wearing sheets of pasta on your head.

And Marcia? You need to shut your pie-hole, because as a judge and critic you are useless, you audience-pandering pussy. I liked you better when all you did was cry and be “really really moved” and shit. Stop talking over Dicko and even Mark who are offering criticism that is accurate and which will be useful for these monkeys regardless of whether they get through to next week or not. PS. You are not Storm.


Saturday, September 04, 2004


SMH drops pretense of being respectable broadsheet -
G-string pics of Miss Universe here.


Thursday, September 02, 2004

Tonight on Inside Idol, Dan O'Connor says: I'm a shy, boyish God-lover; my mummy writes me poems.

Meanwhile on Channel 7, Grant Den-NYUUHHH continues his Rove McManus apprenticeship by hosting "Surprise Wedding". One groom reveals on acceptance that the couple had already discussed and intended to get married, thus robbing the audience of Grant's carefully manufactured uncertainty and conflict. You wedding whores, that's cheating! Whacky Channel Seven programmers follow up with "Trading Spouses". Hilarious.


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