Monday, July 25, 2005
One of the lawyers in my group came back from a trip overseas recently with a job offer. He gave notice of his resignation and then proceeded to:
- not come to work for the next week and half citing "illness";
- do no more work
- instruct his secretary to:
- photocopy all of his framed practising certificates ("...and don't scratch the frames!") and get them certified;
- circulate his farewell card around the firm with the instructions that every person "contribute between three and five dollars" so that his farewell gift would be either a digital camera or an ipod;
- cancel his health insurance policy; and
- place an add for his apartment.
When he realised his present kitty/slush fund had raised no more than $65 ( yes, even after I had grudgingly contributed the princely sum of $1.40), he whinged about it ("Well, I guess I must be the only person who sticks to the $3-5 rule!), until the firm kicked in another $180. He then proceeded to go and buy himself an iPod Shuffle (Duty Free, cheap bastard), came back to the office and wrapped it in paper and ribbon himself and then asked our receptionist, "Right, now who do I give this to?".Naturally he gave a lame, I-love-myself speech at his farewell morning tea during which the only person who laughed at his jokes was him.
WLR: So, did you think my speech was sincere?
Receptionist: Uh, I don't know. I wasn't listening.
WLR: Oh. Well. It wasn't!)
And then he:
- didn't turn up to work for his last 3 days but still managed to turn up for the End of Financial Year party and Friday Night drinks; and
- called up his secretary on his what was technically his last day at work and told her to call payroll and assure them that he had actually been at work.
His secretary did in fact call payroll. To say: "X hasn't come into work for the last 3 days but asked me to call you and say that he has. You might want to do something about that."Fucker. But damn if I won't miss the delicious train wreck of his smug, self-serving, fraud-perpetrating, bridge-burning assholery.